'I was in a really dark space': Hogg

Brad Hogg has revealed he experienced suicidal thoughts in the period immediately following his international retirement in 2008.

In an excerpt published by Fairfax Media from his autobiography, The Wrong 'Un, set to be release on Monday, Hogg detailed a difficult period in his life following his final Test match and the breakdown of his marriage.

The 45-year-old, who has since enjoyed a career renaissance through the KFC Big Bash and will this year line up with Melbourne Renegades, said he struggled to cope with life beyond cricket.

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"Sometimes I drove down to Fremantle to think about what was going on in my life," Hogg wrote.

"I parked my car at Port Beach and went for a walk.

"I'd stare out at the sea and think, I could swim out to that groyne, and if I make it back, fine. If I don't make it back ... well, hard luck.

"I was prepared to let fate decide. I was in a really dark space.

"I did that Fremantle drive four times. And each time I thought about doing something really drastic. "Thinking and doing are two completely different things, thankfully, and there was never really a moment when I was going to take off my clothes and start swimming.

"It was more about contemplating what it would be like if I had decided to end it all.

"Nonetheless, it was frightening that I was having these negative thoughts on a regular basis."

Hogg said that two of the key strands of his life – his passion for playing cricket for Australia and his marriage – were pulling him in different directions, which ultimately led to him being a self-described "misery guts" after opting to retire at 37 in an effort to make his marriage work.

"I still blame myself for the breakdown of my marriage because I know I wasn't the easiest person to communicate with or live with," he said.

"One reason – and it was a big one – was that I had this overwhelming desire to play cricket for Australia. That's all I wanted to do. That's all I knew.

"Cricket was my addiction, and I was sometimes self-absorbed because of that … I felt so frustrated that I had played my whole career knowing my partner wasn't fully supportive of my ambition.

"I constantly had issues at home, and over the years we had briefly separated on numerous occasions. Those periods often coincided with the times when I got upset on the cricket field or did something stupid.

"I knew my wife was miserable, and that I was the cause of her unhappiness."

In an interview during this year's Indian Premier League in April, for whom Hogg played for the Kolkata Knight Riders, the outwardly effervescent spinner said he regretted his decision to retire following the summer of 2007-08.

"I do regret retiring back in 2008," he said. "I had a Test berth for Australia at that stage but I had some personal issues with family and yes, I retired there.

"I wish I didn’t because the marriage did not survive.

Luckily it did not because I met a new partner and she's wonderful and someone who supports me. "I think it's just having the passion of wanting to play.

"Everyone knows I retired in 2008, had about two-three years out of the game.

"I still have the passion of a five-year-old kid, when I first had that dream of playing for Australia.

"The game's changed, it's evolved. It's given a new lease of life to cricket and it's given a new lease of life to me."

For crisis or suicide prevention support, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or visit lifeline.org.au