Mitch Johnson too hot to handle

Members of England’s travelling Barmy Army shifted uncomfortably in their seats when Mitchell Johnson bagged yet another five-wicket haul this morning.

Despite the mischievous twinkle in his eye and the upraised left palm that communicated how many victims he had claimed in a devastating seven-over burst, Johnson conveyed an air of menace towards those who had helped provoke the carnage.

The trouble began in the final hour of yesterday’s play when Johnson was tossed the second new ball amid lengthening shadows, with England comfortable if almost becalmed on 4-201 after 80 grafting overs.

To that point, Johnson had endured his most forgettable outing of a memorable Ashes campaign.

The destroyer of Brisbane and Adelaide, the malevolent menace of the WACA had appeared daunted by the responsibility foisted upon him when his captain Michael Clarke won the toss at the MCG and sent the tourists into bat.

As if believing he must perform magic tricks with the ball in order to justify his skipper’s gamble. Johnson served up a selection of half volleys and long hops and was removed from the attack after just two overs.

His re-introduction throughout the course of the day was equally unproductive, and by the time Clarke anxiously took the new ball late in the day the Army was in full voice, keen to remind Johnson he had been but a pale imitation of the bowler who has shaped the series with 0-45 glowing beside his name.

Perhaps it was the impact of the full-strength Australian sun over the previous three Tests. Or the mid-strength Australian beer on top of Christmas merriment.

Either way, the Barmies somehow forgot that one of the reasons Johnson has inflicted such terror on England’s non-plussed batting line-up was the verbal pillorying he had endured from the crowd choristers in Ashes series past.

And so, in the space of 42 balls either side of stumps, Johnson set about another demolition job that sat England on its haunches and the Army back in the bleachers.

Sheer pace accounted for Ben Stokes (fending to slip for 14) and then, in his first appearance of the series, replacement wicketkeeper Jonny Bairstow showed that he was clearly out of his depth against such potent fast bowling.

His decision to swing furiously at a Johnson bouncer sent the ball over the rope behind the ‘keeper and the Army into frenzy of musical mockery.

This served to incense Johnson and galvanise his teammates, who showed their collective appreciation to the England cheersquad two balls later when he fired a rocket through Bairstow’s feeble defence.

The Australians’ mood had obviously not mellowed overnight and, having softened up Tim Bresnan with a couple of brutish short balls late yesterday he began the morning in precisely the same manner and was immediately successful.

Kevin Pietersen read the warning signs more clearly than the Army and, having almost walked into a searing bouncer at which he waved furiously, he then aimed a wild slog that would have shamed the most talentless village batter and deservedly lost his middle stump in the process.

The debate over Pietersen’s capacity for Test cricket and team play duly began over again.

When Johnson produced a replica of the sandshoe crusher that bruised Stuart Broad’s foot and broke his batting confidence to trap the former all-rounder lbw, he had grabbed his third five-wicket haul in circumstances almost as compelling as the match-changing spell he unleashed in Adelaide.

As he raised the still shiny ball to the crowd in acknowledgement of figures that now read 5-60, Johnson reserved a special wave and a half smile to his tormentors in front of the Great Southern Stand.

As befitting such a stunning start to the morning, they stared back in mute if grudgingly appreciative silence.