Sydney enshrined as England cricket's final destination

Before play commenced on Tuesday, Ben Stokes' version of his heated exchange with Marnus Labuschagne late on day two was relayed via his trusted former teammate Stuart Broad.

In Broad's retelling, which he implied Stokes was happy for him to relay to Australia’s free-to-air viewers, England's captain had picked a fight with Labuschagne as part of a strategy to get the No.3 "out of his bubble".

In this way of thinking, England's plan came off as Stokes dismissed Labuschagne the next over. Whether this was reason Labuschagne edged to gully is beside the point; Stokes is a brilliant competitor who has held together a crumbling bowling attack in spite of a poor series with the bat.

He had no such magic bullet for Travis Head, who swanned through the early part of the third day offering chance after chance (finally departing for 163) after giving none the previous evening.

Where Stokes had bared his teeth to Labuschagne, England rolled out the welcome mat to his Australian teammates the following day. Not only did they drop Head on 121, 123 and 155, they permitted him to walk between the wickets after hitting singles to deep fielders, ensuing a minimum of effort was exerted. Their one ping at a run-out, on a quick single called by Steve Smith, was missed by Ben Duckett.

"I do enjoy walking a single," Head told reporters at stumps on day three. "I've got sore feet at the minute.

"I try and basically try to rev up our changeroom as much as I can, slightly take the piss and enjoy myself, so walking singles and running backwards and carrying on is more to get a rev-up out of our boys. It keeps me enjoying everything.

"Slapping one to (deep) point – there's no point in charging back for two. It's just one of those things, you try to save energy and it's good fun at the same time."

"Unless it's a very long two, it's a one."

So relaxed was Head that stump microphones overhead him casually talking to Chris Gaffaney between balls about how last summer's SCG pitch played compared to this one.

Brydon Carse had been the victim of the most egregious Head drop – Will Jacks' on the on-side rope – as well as putting down the toughest – at deep third off Josh Tongue – amid another whole-hearted, expensive spell. But when Carse complied with Smith's request to move his sunglasses from the front of his hat to the back while fielding at mid-off, questions were being asked of England's generosity.

"I can't believe he has actually said, 'Okay, no problem'," former captain Michael Vaughan told Fox Cricket.

Perhaps Smith thought he could call the shots in his own backyard, the ground where he boasts one of his formidable records. But as Australia strolled to 7-518 by the close of play with Smith leading the charge on 129no, it was clear this country was not being as friendly back to its Ashes visitors.

The SCG, which has hosted the first Test of the New Year on and off since the 1950s and become where Australian legends say their goodbye, has in fact developed a particularly nefarious reputation for England cricketers. This is where Ashes strugglers are read their last rites.

From their six previous Ashes contests in the harbour city since the turn of the century (all but five marking the series finale), 14 England players have played their final Tests here. It's a not-so-illustrious list that includes more greenhorns than veterans, several one-and-dones, and only one who went out on his own terms.

The spinner responsible for delivering Steve Waugh’s famous final-ball ton, Richard Dawson, was never sighted at Test level again after taking 1-113 in the final match of the 2002-03 series, which also marked the final matches for John Crawley and Andy Caddick, the latter being maybe the only player England actually wanted to pick again.

It was a similar story four years on for Sajid Mahmood and Chris Read, and then Boyd Rankin (for England at least – he played twice more for Ireland), Scott Borthwick, Michael Carberry and, contentiously, Kevin Pietersen, after the next whitewash in 2013-14. Tellingly, the only farewell after England's 2010-11 series win was Collingwood, who announced his retirement before the match.

From the past two tours, there's been Tom Curran, Mason Crane (2017-18), Jos Buttler and Haseeb Hameed (2021-22). Dawid Malan never played again after that 21-22 tour (which concluded in Hobart instead of Sydney), while Mark Stoneman and James Vince were gone not long after 17-18.

When the 2025-26 post-mortems are done, when England surely ask where they can find bowlers who can continually front up like Stokes and batters who can regulate their attacking instincts like Joe Root, who will join that unwanted final-Test-in-Sydney club?

Ashes tours are brutal affairs and the performances of a host of England players are sure to come under the microscope. Ollie Pope has already been axed after playing the first three Tests. Jofra Archer, Mark Wood and Gus Atkinson all failed to see out the tour and England will wonder whether they can rely on such fragile pacemen for future series.

As for those playing in this match, Root stood by Jamie Smith after his day-two exit to Marnus Labuschagne's popgun bouncer, contorting himself to justify the wicketkeeper-batter's shot as part of a tactical strategy.

Matthew Potts finished the day six runs away from the most expensive wicketless spell in Ashes history with his final-session speeds dipping below 125kph, the range ECB cricket boss Rob Key has suggested are of little use in Test cricket.

Jacks may be the most confounding of the three. The 27-year-old's reputation is of a T20 freewheeler, yet his batting strike-rate in this series (40.16) is almost 20 runs per 100 balls slower Usman Khawaja's (59.44), Australia's most watchful batter, while the catch he put down off Head was the type boundary fielders in short-form cricket routinely pouch.

Is Will Jacks the modern-day Richard Dawson? Jamie Smith the next Chris Read? Matthew Potts another Tom Curran? History suggests the answer will be yes to at least one of these questions.

2025-26 NRMA Insurance Men's Ashes

First Test: Australia won by eight wickets

Second Test: Australia won by eight wickets

Third Test: Australia won by 82 runs

Fourth Test: England won by four wickets

Fifth Test: January 4-8: SCG, Sydney, 10am AEDT

Australia squad (fifth Test): Steve Smith (c), Scott Boland, Alex Carey, Brendan Doggett, Cameron Green, Travis Head, Josh Inglis, Usman Khawaja, Marnus Labuschagne, Todd Murphy, Michael Neser, Jhye Richardson, Mitchell Starc, Jake Weatherald, Beau Webster

England squad: Ben Stokes (c), Harry Brook (vc), Shoaib Bashir, Jacob Bethell, Brydon Carse, Zak Crawley, Ben Duckett, Matthew Fisher, Will Jacks, Ollie Pope, Matthew Potts, Joe Root, Jamie Smith (wk), Josh Tongue